I’m not saying that all Josh Meyer’s are ugly, or that a cool name always leads to a beautiful face, but you have to admit there’s a correlation.
I wonder if the Spanish version of UNO is called ONE?
New from the people who dreamed of bringing you the all-in-one washer/drier: Pre-Popped Bubble Wrap! No longer will you be forced to spend the precious minutes of your lunch break squeezing packaging material.
Thanks to my blog post on how to make fun of yourself, I am now the first result on Google for “how to make fun of yourself”. I am the world’s top source for self-destruction. Yay.
Making fun of yourself is normally an ability that you’re born with. You might be a mutant, a clown face, or just a plain old loser. Luckily I’m all of the above. When you’re blessed with so many disfigurements, it can be fun to point them out to the world. But if you’re still having trouble knocking yourself, here’s a formula that just might do the trick. I give you: The Perfect Formula for the Imperfect Person.
At the time of this writing, the phrase “needless to say” gets over 25 million results on Google. That’s saying a lot for a term that by its own definition should never appear in writing or speech.
When I was a kid I had an idea for a washing machine that automatically dries the clothes. It seemed so obvious to me, and I was sure that it would be mass produced and raking in money for someone before I could even tell anyone my idea. It’s been years, and every time I look at those two hunks of metal and plastic I wonder why it still hasn’t happened. One of these machines can cost thousands of dollars, and you’re telling me I need to buy two of them? If you look at a modern washer and dryer, you’ll see that they’re identical. They have the same size compartment and the same moving parts. With all of our modern technology and brilliant minds, how have we not combined these two redundant appliances? Are all the world’s scientists and engineers too busy to find time to shove a blower into a washing machine?
Cole (3 years old): Do you know what Jesus doos when you have a cough?
Me: What does Jesus do?
Cole: He makes the cough go away.
Me: Oh. What does Jesus do when you cut your finger?
Cole: He tells you to go to the doctor.