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Crash Diet

Lego weight loss

Better Left Unsaid

Some people say things that are profound and meaningful. Others spout nonsense that should never be uttered. Here are a few phrases to avoid.

Needless to Say

“Needless to say” is a phrase that, by it’s own definition, should never be uttered. Do yourself a favor, and don’t listen to anything that comes after this.

Are You Sleeping?

When a yes or no question can only be answered one way, it’s no longer a yes or no question. You might as well holler, “You are awake!” If someone hears you, then guess what, you’re right! Yell louder to increase your odds of success.

More or Less

So it could be this number, or it could be…any other number. You might as well just say, “I don’t know.”

Head-Over-Heels

In other words, your noggin is in it’s rightful place, north of your feet. If your head is ever not over your heels, something is wrong.

Does This Make Me Look Fat?

Again, there is only one possible answer.

It Goes Without Saying

By now you get the idea. This is what you say when you want to declare to everyone within earshot to ignore this nonsense coming from your pie hole.

Yeah, No

Which one is it!?

Um

[robot voice] Analyzing speech….Generating response….

You might as well have a loading progress bar on your face.

Not to Mention

This is what you say when you want to say you’re not going to say something, and then you immediately say it.

Aéro Dynamics

I’m Going to Buy my Dream Car Using Only Swagbucks

A dream car is one of those things that’s hard to justify spending your living on. My solution: earn little by little completing tasks on Swagbucks, and save it up over time (lots of time) to eventually pay for the car of my dreams.

I’ll be posting progress updates on this blog, as well as more details about my Swagbucks earnings and Robinhood investments.

Swagbucks

Swagbucks is a place where you can earn real money for doing things like filling out surveys, completing offers, even for just watching videos or playing games! You can also earn pretty decent cashback rewards for your online shopping. Your earnings can be cashed out into a wide variety of gift cards (sometimes for an additional discount) like Amazon, Walmart, or a Visa Prepaid Card. Or you can have your SB sent straight to your PayPal account, as I do, so I can transfer it to my Robinhood investment account and save it up for something bigger than just a free toaster!

Investing with Robinhood

Robinhood Investment Growth

To help me reach my goal faster, I am investing my earnings in stocks and cryptocurrencies with Robinhood. Robinhood is a modern trading platform that doesn’t charge any commissions for trades. This will make it much easier and more profitable for me to work with smaller amounts. I am very new to the stock market, but using the basic principles of buying low and selling high I’m hoping that I can earn a significant return on investment. So far, the results have been very promising!

The Swagmobile

The two ultimate bullet points for my “dream car” are, #1: Fully Electric, and #2: Self-Driving. Everything else is nice, but negotiable.

Right now, the car that fits the bill is the Tesla Model 3. I’ve been a big fan of Tesla since they released their first roadster. It’s a huge dream of mine to own an electric car, and I believe Tesla is the best at this. The Model 3 is their most affordable car yet, starting at (only) $35,000 for the base model. Adding fully self-driving capability will add another $8,000 to the price. The prices can and definitely will change by the time I’m ready to order, and it’s anyone’s guess what the tax incentives will be at that time. So for now I am loosely setting my goal at $40,000.

Is This Possible?

I joined Swagbucks exactly 2 months ago. In that time I’ve earned 24,239 SB (the Swagbucks equivalent of $242). At that pace, it would take me almost 30 years to reach my goal!

However, if my investments and trades do well, it should significantly bring that time down. And you can even help! If you join Swagbucks with my referral link, I will make a 10% commission on all of your earnings for life. (And you also get a nice bonus for signing up!) If I can get only 10 active people to join Swagbucks, that could potentially save me 15 years!

If you’re interested in investing, you can also join Robinhood with my referral link and we both will get a free stock!

So I encourage you to join Swagbucks and Robinhood and start your own goal! If your dream car sounds like too lofty of a goal, try something more manageable, like a new pair of shoes. Or take it to a whole different level and aim for a house! Let’s find out what’s possible with a little bit of work and a whole lot of patience!

Google Assistant Feature Requests

The Google Assistant can do a lot of things, but I have a few… “suggestions.”Google Assistant
 

User: OK Google, add apples to my shopping list.
Assistant: That’s already on your shopping list, dummy.

User: Hey Google, send a message to Gary.
Assistant: Shut up, Gary is sleeping right now.

User: Okay Google, clear my schedule.
Assistant: You have nothing on your agenda for today.
User: Just make me look important.
Assistant: Got it, cancelling “Lunch with the President” at 12pm.

User: Hey Google, make a JIF.
Assistant: It’s pronounced GIF, Einstein.

User: Okay Google, what will the weather be like at 5pm?
Assistant: Cold and rainy and yucky.

User: Hey Google, make a sarcastic comment.
Assistant: Sure, because that’s a great use of my time.

User: Okay Google, play the next episode.
Assistant: Perhaps it’s time to go outside?

User: Hey Google, turn off the lights at 10pm.
No problem, setting a reminder for you to GO AND DO IT YOURSELF!

User: OK Google, play Christmas music.
Assistant: Dude, it’s not Christmas yet!

Monetize Your Website Without Ads

Ads are the main source of income for many websites, but understandably most users are turned away by ads and/or block them altogether. And, of course, the ads that make the most money are also the most annoying! From interstitials that pop up in your face to flashy animations that distract from your content and slow down your site’s performance, certainly there’s a better way.

JSEcoin - JavaScript Embedded CryptocurrencyThat’s the mission behind JSEcoin, a new cryptocurrency coin and platform designed specifically for the web. Visitors to your site can choose to opt-in or opt-out to running a mining script that helps to power the blockchain behind the coin. This small JavaScript is no more intensive than a simple YouTube video, and won’t degrade the performance of your website or the user’s device. The more unique visitors and opt-ins you receive, the more you earn. The coins, of course, can be traded for standard currencies like US Dollars, or for other cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin.

You can also run the JSEcoin mining platform in your own browser, so you can earn money while you sleep! (Learn more about how mining works.)

Learn More or Sign Up for JSEcoin

Disclaimer: the links on this page contain a referral code, which pays me a few coins for each person who signs up. Just one more way that you can earn money with JSEcoin!

Honest Ads

Advertising isn’t always truthful. But what if it was? This is why I don’t make the big bucks.

LASIK: Keep Your Eyes Peeled!
LASIK: Keep Your Eyes Peeled!

Pizza: Refined carbs and solidified milk fat
Pizza: Refined carbs and solidified milk fat

Skip Fitness - No Contracts! No Obligations! No Pressure!
Skip Fitness – No Contracts! No Obligations! No Pressure!

Dairy is Scary: The Dangers of Milk [Infographic]

Dairy is Scary: The Dangers of Milk [Infographic]
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The Ramen Prophesy

I totally called it 10 years ago!

The Guardian: Ramen is displacing tobacco as most popular US prison currency, study finds

America’s Heroes

As we indulge in our Independence Day traditions of partying all weekend, stuffing our faces with insurmountable foods and treats, and shopping for last minute fireworks, potato salad, and patriotic swag, let’s not forget the heroes who make all this possible. The tireless warriors who aren’t able to recline in their dual-cup-holder collapsible lawn chair on July 4th; those whose work hours don’t end at 5; those so dedicated to the service of their country that Saturdays and Sundays are just like any other work day. A group of individuals whom I believe are some of the most underappreciated people in our country.

I’m speaking, of course, of those who work nights, weekends, and holidays. Dedicated workers who soldier on to keep our restaurants, department stores, drive-thrus, and gas stations open into all hours of the night. Heroes who prepare food for those who weren’t invited to anyone’s backyard BBQ. The army of minimum wage employees who hold down Fort Walmart on a day when everyone else expects to get paid vacation. On behalf of those who laugh at your career path, I would like to say thank you for your service. You keep America running when no one else will.