Thanks to my blog post on how to make fun of yourself, I am now the first result on Google for “how to make fun of yourself”. I am the world’s top source for self-destruction. Yay.
Making fun of yourself is normally an ability that you’re born with. You might be a mutant, a clown face, or just a plain old loser. Luckily I’m all of the above. When you’re blessed with so many disfigurements, it can be fun to point them out to the world. But if you’re still having trouble knocking yourself, here’s a formula that just might do the trick. I give you: The Perfect Formula for the Imperfect Person.
I’ve never really had a specific topic to blog about, until I looked back and realized I’ve had a somewhat ongoing theme of making fun of myself. Just do a search on this site for “loser” and you’ll see what I mean. (Yes, I have nothing better to do.) So to be on topic, here are 6 reasons why I might be a mutant.
My right thumb is fatter than my left thumb
I have Amblyopia (lazy eye)
When I was sized for my wedding ring, they had to make a special order because they don’t usually have mens sizes that small
Proof that I’m a robot, or at least a cyborg (half robot):
1. I show no emotions or feelings
2. I’m impervious to extreme heat and cold
3. I’ve never broken a bone
4. I never sleep. I only recharge
5. I was programed to obey all commands from one particular person
6. I downloaded the Cold virus
7. I think really slow, revealing that my processor and RAM need an upgrade
8. I can operate on very little food, although I can consume large quantities on demand
9. I follow traffic laws to a capital T
10. I have monocular vision, which means the drivers for the CCD chips in my eyes are probably outdated
11. I can beat any human in a staring contest
12. I don’t get bored
13. I don’t age as fast as real people, which explains why I look like I’m 16 when I’m 20
It turns out artificial intelligence isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Let me tell you from experience, robots will never be smart enough to take over the world. Believe me, I’ve tried.