Jackie: Scott got a GPC, or whatever they’re called. You know, the thing that tells you where to go.
Me: It’s called a wife, Jackie.
Donita: Where are you?
Me: In the car.
Donita: No, where are you located in the car?
Me: In the driver’s seat.
Cynthia: What does LMAO mean?
Me: It means Laughing My Butt Off.
Cynthia: But that doesn’t w……oh.
Donita: Guess what, Josh, I am done in 2 in a half hours
Me: and a half
Donita: no just two in a half
Me: And a half
Me: two and a half
Donita: lol oha
A video of our adventure picking out a Christmas tree, and a time lapse of our tree decorating.
I’m trying to figure out the difference between when my wife is awake or sleeping. You would think I’d be able to tell her status by having a conversation with her. Not so much the case.
Donita: “The ladies are outside playing Yahtzee.”
Me: “Who’s outside?”
Donita: “The ladies”
Me: “Why are they outside?”
Donita: “They’re playing Yahtzee.”
Donita: “I put the leftover chicken in the fridge.”
Donita: “Then I opened it up to eat some.”
Donita: “But it was cold.”
How many times can Donita say “stop” in 30 seconds?
Today I was trying to figure out what the opposite of procrastination is, because if there is such a thing, my fiancé is definitely it. She always likes to get things done way ahead of time. But after hanging out with her for a while with that in mind, I finally discovered that the opposite of procrastination is impatience.
Context: I had just gotten home from a 35 mile bike ride…in the rain and hail…with a flat tire. I call my fiancé.
Donita: Are you coming over?
Me: Would you like me to? Donita: That’s a dumb question. Me: Should I take a shower first? Donita: Do you smell really bad? Me: That’s a dumb question.
Once upon a time
In a land far away
There lived a young man
Whose world was dull and grey
His face was often sad
His mind was much confused
Cuz the only color he had
Was a certain shade of blues
He tried on his own
To color in the lines
But it couldn’t match the artistry
That true love defines
He knew he needed something
To add that certain hue
When a rainbow splash of color
Suddenly came into view
She was a pleasing sight
A diamond in the rough
But it was the beauty inside her
That made him sure enough
They shared precious moments
As they grew ever closer
And every minute she gave him
He remembered why he chose her
So then one beautiful evening
As the sun gleamed through the leaves
He found the courage to pull out
The plan stuck up his sleeves
He said, I love you
I just have one question
Will you marry me?
This is how I proposed to the girl I’m now proud to call my fiance. She said yes, we stared at each other, we smiled, we laughed, we hugged, and I finished the story:
Their years were filled with love
Their days were filled with laughter
Their hearts could fly like doves
As they lived happily ever after
My girlfriend compliments me all the time. Somehow she just has a way of making me feel loved.
“The only reason people come over to your house is because of your tv.”
“Your eyes look like a baby girl ant’s eyes.”
“Eww, your calf muscles are kind of deformed.”
“You’re not very good at batting or fielding, but you’re pretty good at running.”
“I like your hair…but you need a haircut.”
“Your tongue is fat.”
“You have huge bags under your eyes.”
“I hope you’re not charging them much for taking their wedding pictures.”
I received a frantic call from my girlfriend the other day. She told me that her water broke and that she needed to use my bathroom immediately. I wasn’t about to interfere with an emergency, so I let her use the bathroom. She seemed pretty worried because the emergency personnel weren’t going to come until the next day. But it’s all worth it now, because the plumbing at her house is fixed and she once again has running water.