The cool part about my job is that pretty much everyone thinks they can do my job better than I can. That makes my job a boat load easier because then all I have to do is move my mouse to wherever they touch my screen with their fingers. This frees up my mind to think about my happy place, or what I should have for lunch.
[More positive thinking]
Allow me to introduce to you some of my newest coworkers. We aren’t usually assigned to the same projects, but we share the same office and they help me out some with my work. I’ve found them to be some of my closest friends too.
Lolly & Pops
Mixed Fruit Tetras
Characteristics: Likes to “lollygag” casually around the tank. Often “falls asleep” and starts drifting around, but gets abruptly awaken by Pops.
Characteristics: Don’t allow no “lollygaggin” in the tank. Gives Lolly a “pop” in the side when he falls asleep. Very mean and bossy. Makes sure everybody knows who’s in charge. (I thought about naming her after my girlfriend, but shhh)
Crispy & Strips
Color: White with black specks
Characteristics: Likes to follow behind Strips and chase him around. Also has a bit of a temper sometimes.
Color: Black with white specks
Characteristics: Plays Simon says with Crispy, but only when he gets to be Simon. Likes to play with the bubbles at the top of the water. Has a few distinguishing “strips” in his tailfin.
Tick & Tock
Color: Transparent Orange
Characteristics: Has a seemingly uncontrollable “tick” in his left fin. Likes to relax near the bottom of the tank.
Color: Transparent Orange
Characteristics: Siamese twins with Tick, separated at birth. A little more active than Tick. Likes to pick on Pops.
Pay day isn’t usually that exciting for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love to earn money. But unlike some people I know, I’m not usually broke by the time pay day comes around. And besides that my check is direct deposited, so it doesn’t really make that much difference. But on Friday when I took a quick look at my pay stub I noticed an “Important Note” in the corner. It said, “Effective this pay period your name has been changed.” I squinted and stared at if for a second. Then I thought, “Well cool, it’s about time I changed my name. I’ve been stuck with ‘Josh’ my whole life.” But then there was the question burning through my skull… Huh? What did they change it to?
I received a nice compliment today, something I don’t see very often. The other day I was asked to design a poster for a race car driver, who is sponsored by the company that I do graphic design work for. So I put together a simple rough draft, and the next day the crew chief came by my office to see what I had done, and to give me a better idea of what he wanted. He showed me a couple of old posters that they had, and I was eager to get on with the fun part. So today I put it together as fancy as I could with the time that I had, and I tweaked and polished it up. Then the crew chief stopped by again to take a look. Now I’ve gotten kind of used to people exploding with excitement when they see my work, but his reaction was a little different. He said, “Wow, that’s really good, maybe you should be a graphic designer.” I didn’t say anything, but I couldn’t help thinking to myself, “Huh…??”
So I’m next door to the main office building, waiting in the photo studio for someone to get off the phone so they can tell me what kind of pictures they want me to take. I have no clue what they want, so I can’t do anything until they get off the phone. I played with my camera for a little while, cleaned the lens, and all that good stuff. I was pretty bored so I tried licking my elbow. That bugs me. No matter how hard I try, I can’t lick my elbow. Anyway, so I snuck over to the shipping computer which has internet access, and called up my new favorite picture, which I just can’t stop looking at. And now, wouldn’t you know, I have tons to do.
It seemed just like a regular Monday morning. I forced myself to get up, ate my cheerios, and drove in to work. I opened up my office, turned on my computer, and sat down. But something wasn’t right. Something was different. Something in the atmosphere was telling me that…that…my keyboard was a quarter inch from its usual spot. My computer speakers were turned in a different direction. My stapler, my tape dispenser, my phone, and my candy cane heart; all slightly out of place. One thing was clear; someone or something had been in my office. I started to move my pen holder about two inches back over to where I had it before, but something caught my eye. No! I couldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t believe it. My desk…….it was clean.
For some reason, I hear the words “My camera doesn’t work” quite often. Well this morning, one of the head dudes here at Mathews dropped off his camera at my office. He explained to me what the deal was, and asked if I could take a look at his camera (which happens to be the same camera that I use). So I agreed and he left. As I started to open the box, I cringed when the first thing that I saw was the bare, uncovered lens, dirty and fingerprinted. It was a painful sight as I continued to open the box and saw the beaten and scratched body carelessly wedged in tight with the external flash mount digging into the cardboard. My first thought was to check the battery. I opened it up and, to my horror, saw the battery contacts soiled and corroded. I continued to examine the camera and found that the viewfinder eyepiece was missing and one of the brackets on the flash mount was bent. And if all that wasn’t enough, the outside filter ring on the lens was broken in two places. The camera was set to fully auto as I expected, which makes me wonder why someone would have this nice of a camera and not fully know how to use it. I can’t bear to use auto mode myself because it disables so many of the advanced features.
Well I cleaned the lens for him, wiped the battery contacts, and dusted off some other crucial parts, but strangely, I can’t figure out why it won’t work. I thought about using my x-ray vision, but then it would be kinda hard to keep my secret identity. I think I’m just going to call the Camera Cops and report a case of camera abuse.