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Convincing the world I’m a loser since 1985.

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Sleeping awake

I’m trying to figure out the difference between when my wife is awake or sleeping. You would think I’d be able to tell her status by having a conversation with her. Not so much the case.

Awake:
Donita: “The ladies are outside playing Yahtzee.”
Me: “Who’s outside?”
Donita: “The ladies”
Me: “Why are they outside?”
Donita: “They’re playing Yahtzee.”

Sleeping:
Donita: “I put the leftover chicken in the fridge.”
Donita: “Then I opened it up to eat some.”
Donita: “But it was cold.”
Me: “Sadness”

Thinking Positive – Episode II

The cool part about my job is that pretty much everyone thinks they can do my job better than I can. That makes my job a boat load easier because then all I have to do is move my mouse to wherever they touch my screen with their fingers. This frees up my mind to think about my happy place, or what I should have for lunch.

[More positive thinking]

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: I hear that you got married. Congratulations. Any news yet?
A: No. Come back in two or three or eight years.

Q: So, how’s married life?
A: Beyond words.

Q: Would you have some time to work on this project for me?
A: Of course. What year would you like it done by?

Q: Why did you shave your head?
A: Just to shave my head.

Q: Why isn’t the internet working?
A: That online game you keep playing finally crashed the internet and it’s all gone now because of you.

Fresh garbage

If you’re one of the 0.002 people who visit this blog regularly, you may have noticed that I haven’t written anything on here since I was married a month and a half ago. You’re welcome. I’ve had a lot of things occupying my time. Did I mention I was married? I’m hoping to launch my new website soon. When that happens I’ll be moving this blog directly to photricity.com. My site will have a lot more functionality then, and it will be a lot easier for me to update it. Not that anyone cares how easy I make my own job. But unfortunately for you, you’ll have a lot more of this garbage to read.

Caffeinated blood

Some people can’t sleep when they’re sad. I have no problem when I’m sad, but I can’t sleep at all when I’m excited. It is now only 1,697,406 seconds until my wedding. I haven’t slept for at least 10 days, just from all the excitement. And I for sure won’t sleep the week after the wedding. In fact, I may never sleep again as long as I live. Being the luckiest guy in the world does have it’s disadvantages.

Unprocrastination

Today I was trying to figure out what the opposite of procrastination is, because if there is such a thing, my fiancé is definitely it. She always likes to get things done way ahead of time. But after hanging out with her for a while with that in mind, I finally discovered that the opposite of procrastination is impatience.