Convincing the world I’m a loser since 1985.
Q: I hear that you got married. Congratulations. Any news yet?
A: No. Come back in two or three or eight years.
Q: So, how’s married life?
A: Beyond words.
Q: Would you have some time to work on this project for me?
A: Of course. What year would you like it done by?
Q: Why did you shave your head?
A: Just to shave my head.
Q: Why isn’t the internet working?
A: That online game you keep playing finally crashed the internet and it’s all gone now because of you.
If you’re one of the 0.002 people who visit this blog regularly, you may have noticed that I haven’t written anything on here since I was married a month and a half ago. You’re welcome. I’ve had a lot of things occupying my time. Did I mention I was married? I’m hoping to launch my new website soon. When that happens I’ll be moving this blog directly to photricity.com. My site will have a lot more functionality then, and it will be a lot easier for me to update it. Not that anyone cares how easy I make my own job. But unfortunately for you, you’ll have a lot more of this garbage to read.
How many times can Donita say “stop” in 30 seconds?
Besides being a nobody, I’m actually also:
Running for Mayer
A famous actor
A racecar driver
An anime voice
A real estate broker
Although none of these are really me, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone who has the name Josh Meyer looks like a geek.
Some people can’t sleep when they’re sad. I have no problem when I’m sad, but I can’t sleep at all when I’m excited. It is now only 1,697,406 seconds until my wedding. I haven’t slept for at least 10 days, just from all the excitement. And I for sure won’t sleep the week after the wedding. In fact, I may never sleep again as long as I live. Being the luckiest guy in the world does have it’s disadvantages.
Today I was trying to figure out what the opposite of procrastination is, because if there is such a thing, my fiancé is definitely it. She always likes to get things done way ahead of time. But after hanging out with her for a while with that in mind, I finally discovered that the opposite of procrastination is impatience.
Need some moe fencing?
Which way to the full parking lot?
Am I the only one who’s afraid to park here?
Context: I had just gotten home from a 35 mile bike ride…in the rain and hail…with a flat tire. I call my fiancé.
Donita: Are you coming over?
Me: Would you like me to?
Donita: That’s a dumb question.
Me: Should I take a shower first?
Donita: Do you smell really bad?
Me: That’s a dumb question.
I had to buy a can of compressed air the other day. I wasn’t surprised when they asked me for ID, since I’ve kind of gotten used to that sort of thing. But then I put “I was asked for ID” together with “I was buying air.” Obviously they’re trying to prevent teenagers from getting that sort of stuff and inhaling it as a drug. But now I’m finding myself imagining a bunch of drugged-up air-heads saying things like “Hey guys, let’s go ‘air it out'” or “Dude, you got some serious air on that one.”