Cole (3 years old): Do you know what Jesus doos when you have a cough?
Me: What does Jesus do?
Cole: He makes the cough go away.
Me: Oh. What does Jesus do when you cut your finger?
Cole: He tells you to go to the doctor.
Jackie: Scott got a GPC, or whatever they’re called. You know, the thing that tells you where to go.
Me: It’s called a wife, Jackie.
Donita: Where are you?
Me: In the car.
Donita: No, where are you located in the car?
Me: In the driver’s seat.
Cynthia: What does LMAO mean?
Me: It means Laughing My Butt Off.
Cynthia: But that doesn’t w……oh.
Donita: Guess what, Josh, I am done in 2 in a half hours
Me: and a half
Donita: no just two in a half
Me: And a half
Me: two and a half
Donita: lol oha
I’m trying to figure out the difference between when my wife is awake or sleeping. You would think I’d be able to tell her status by having a conversation with her. Not so much the case.
Donita: “The ladies are outside playing Yahtzee.”
Me: “Who’s outside?”
Donita: “The ladies”
Me: “Why are they outside?”
Donita: “They’re playing Yahtzee.”
Donita: “I put the leftover chicken in the fridge.”
Donita: “Then I opened it up to eat some.”
Donita: “But it was cold.”
Context: I had just gotten home from a 35 mile bike ride…in the rain and hail…with a flat tire. I call my fiancé.
Donita: Are you coming over?
Me: Would you like me to?
Donita: That’s a dumb question.
Me: Should I take a shower first?
Donita: Do you smell really bad?
Me: That’s a dumb question.