Bozo - Disproportionate features, Horizontal elevation

I recently cut my hair; all of it. I’ve been asked countless times why. I’m really not so sure why. The only “why” I know is why I grew my hair long to begin with. I was reminded of this as my hair began to grow back. As you can see from this detailed (and frighteningly accurate) diagram, there are two reasons why I miss my longer hair.

[Reason 1]: Sideways ‘fro; otherwise known as “bozo” hair. This would be a very good explanation as to why I was never seen without a hat.

[Reason 2]: I needed something to cover my face. I always used to wonder if my face was crooked, or if it was just my glasses. People always reassured me it was my glasses. I must have had dozens of pairs of glasses, and strangely they were all crooked. Well now that I’m liberated from glasses, I know they were lying.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: I hear that you got married. Congratulations. Any news yet?
A: No. Come back in two or three or eight years.

Q: So, how’s married life?
A: Beyond words.

Q: Would you have some time to work on this project for me?
A: Of course. What year would you like it done by?

Q: Why did you shave your head?
A: Just to shave my head.

Q: Why isn’t the internet working?
A: That online game you keep playing finally crashed the internet and it’s all gone now because of you.

That’s messed up

It’s raining right now. I like rain. Especially when it’s wet. Which is why I was standing out in the rain earlier, and as a result my hair got all wet and messed up. So you can probably imagine why I was confused when I came home and my parents were like, “Wow, your hair looks really nice.”

I spent all that time messing up my hair for nothing?

The hairless hairdo

I was waiting in line the other day to get my hair cut when I saw an older guy with hardly any hair left sitting in one of the barber chairs. Now if he wanted to cut off what little was left of his hair, that would be fine with me, but what confused me even more was that he was looking through a book of hair styles that really wouldn’t work with the little bit of fuzz that he had left.

Anyway, as I was getting my hair cut, the hair stylist had to leave me for a little while to tend to another customer. So I sat there and waited, and waited. Not that I mind waiting. It gives me a chance to think of something useless to write about in my blog. The only thing that bugged me was that my nose was itching and I couldn’t itch it because my hands were stuck under the giant bib.

Hair diet

I’ve always loved fad diets. Making fun of them that is, not actually following them. I love how two different diets can be completely opposite and still (supposedly) work. But after doing some extensive research on the subject, I decided that none of them were for me. So I set out to create my own fad diet. After running my fingers through my hair in deep thought, it came to me. So I ran to the local Cost Cutters and I lost 0.37 lbs almost instantly. It worked for me, and it can work for you too. So buy my book for only $47.89 and lose weight today!