Caffeinated blood

Some people can’t sleep when they’re sad. I have no problem when I’m sad, but I can’t sleep at all when I’m excited. It is now only 1,697,406 seconds until my wedding. I haven’t slept for at least 10 days, just from all the excitement. And I for sure won’t sleep the week after the wedding. In fact, I may never sleep again as long as I live. Being the luckiest guy in the world does have it’s disadvantages.

Lucky Me

One time I stayed in a house with like 20 or so people. Everybody in the entire house got sick and threw up. Except for lucky me.

I was lucky enough not to hear my phone ring when a drunk guy called me at 3:28 in the morning looking for Al.

I played my first game of Phase 10 a couple days ago. Four games later, I’m undefeated.

I stare all day into dual 20 inch monitors plugged into a top-of-the-line Alienware computer. And I get paid.

My fiancé thanks me for finishing her ice cream.

Speaking of fiancé, am I lucky or what?!

Logical searching

I always find it amusing when I see people searching blindly for something. Sure, when you lose something you need to look for it, but there are more advanced techniques than fumbling around in the snow for your lost hockey puck. This is where logical searching comes in.

I put this to good use last Saturday when I played hockey with my family. Here’s the scenario: the puck goes flying into the snowbank and everybody jumps in and starts digging for it. I figured they could find it in no time, so I let them do their thing. But after a while of letting them do their thing, I decided to do my own thing. So, using a complex algorithm and compensating for the angularity and momentum of the projectile, I walked over to the spot, thrust my hand into the snow, and pulled out the hockey puck. No applause from my family, but at least we could keep playing hockey.

Another thing my family looks for often is the tv remote. Many times I’ve come home to a bunch of sad faces because the clicker is lost. And the same number of times I’ve stuck my hand under the recliner using logic and pulled it out of the same ol’ spot. Today, however, when I heard that the remote was once again lost, I used my logic to reason that they had by now caught on and had already looked under the chair. Consequently, I again did the math in my head and balanced the equation. So after finishing my ice cream, I stuck my hand deep under the chair cushion and pulled out none other than the tv remote. Without looking, without digging, and without getting up.