Thousand Words

A picture is supposed to be worth a thousand words, right? So if you have a typical video that shows 29.97 frames per second, that video should theoretically be worth 29,970 words per second. One minute of video would be worth 1,798,200 words, and an hour would gross 107,892,000 words. So let’s say you have 30 movies that are an hour and a half each. That’s 4,855,140,000 words right there on your bookshelf.

Even my wife doesn’t talk that much.

The story of a true hero

I was interrupted today by a call from Spiderman’s agent. It turns out they’re looking for someone to be the next Spiderman. But even with my own natural abilities and photo genetics, I had to turn down the offer. I just have too many things going on in my own life to take on the responsibilities of Spiderman. Like keeping my blog updated and learning other languages, like Pig Latin for one.

Okay, okay, I’m lying. What really happened was the people who own the rights to Superman called, desperate to find someone to replace Keanu Reeves because he apparently turned down the offer to be the next Superman. As much as I would have loved to accept the offer, I legally couldn’t because I had already signed a contract this morning with a different company to do another film. That’s right; today I became a movie star. Today was the first day of shooting for the epic film, The Mathews Virtual Tour. Now from the title you might be thinking that it’s a long, boring, cheaply produced video describing the company that builds the best archery bows in the world. But in reality, it’s a dramatic action film documenting the life of a true hero. This legendary figure does his heroic deeds going from place to place disguising himself as a tourist, which is a very effective method of keeping a secret identity because once he has finished his work in one place, he leaves no trace of himself and moves on to where he’s needed next. One of his favorite techniques to distract a villain is to ask him complex technical questions about manufacturing processes. These deep, thought provoking questions distract his enemy just enough so he can capture him and take him to the local authorities. The villain is left so confused about what happened that he can’t remember anything, thus keeping the hero’s identity secret.

The release date of the film is, as of yet, undetermined. And I know that you’re just as excited as I am to see the final result.