The socks I’m currently wearing don’t match.
The pants I’m currently wearing have a hole in them.
I haven’t bought a pair of shoes since the last blue moon.
I don’t know what to do with more than one fork at a fancy restaraunt.
My car is falling apart.
I’m not poor, I’m just pathetic.
I’ve been trying to figure out what my problem is. I don’t have time to go to the doctor, so I’ll just diagnose it myself. Here are the symptoms:
While somebody is talking, I can nod my head, smile, say “uh huh,” and not know a word that was just said. While reading a book, my mind often wanders a million miles away, buy my eyes continue reading the book and follow along and I’ll have no clue what I just read. People ask me to remind them of things, but it’s no use because I usually need them to remind me to remind them. My brain will be completely fried within fifteen minutes during a math test. And last but not least, I procrastinate.
I thought it might be Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), but it can’t be that because I don’t misplace things very often and I’m not restless or impatient. In fact, I’m usually a very calm person, and I can beat anyone in a staring contest. So I think I’m going to call it Simplified Attention Deficit Disorder (SADD). As of yet, there is no cure.
While I’m in the mood to make fun of myself, here’s some more convincing evidence that I don’t have a life.
-Half of the people that call me at work were trying to reach a different Josh.
-In any given day I can be called any combination of the names of my three siblings.
-I’ll likely share a bunk bed with my little brother until the day I buy my own house.
-Most of my socks are hand-me-downs.
-I got called stupid by a 7 year old girl.
-Someone was complaining to me about having to stare at a computer screen all day. I stare at one all week, all month, and…well you get the idea.
-Everyone is always nice to me; people are never nice to people they like.
-I’m one of only a handful of people in the world who think video games are boring.
-I’ll interrupt a conversation to point out a sign that says Deli Chicken Donuts.
-I instant message my brother at 11 pm while he’s about five feet away from me.
I can bench press almost as much as my little sister. I have blond whiskers that grow slower than a White Cedar tree (holds the record for slowest growing tree). I can dribble a basketball with the skill of a Dodo bird. I have no clue how a car engine works; I took a geek test and it came out positive; I never get in trouble and I can’t stay up at night. I’ve never drank milk right out of the carton, gotten a tattoo, totaled a car, or been in jail. I never played sports in school and I don’t watch them on tv. I drive the speed limit, and my car wouldn’t go very fast if I tried. I don’t start fights and I don’t have any cool scars to show off. I’m shy and I’m scared of heights, blood, and the dark. I have a desk job and I like it. And to top it off, I make fun of myself in my own blog.
So please, don’t nobody keep telling me that I do things to be macho.
I don’t see why Microsoft puts so much effort into advertising. I mean, everybody already knows who they are and everybody in the whole world already uses their products. Furthermore, everybody already knows that their products Stink. Maybe Bill Gates’ money has burned a really big, gaping hole in his pocket. Is that why he gave billions to charity so he could be knighted by the Queen of England? What if, instead of advertising, they made something that actually works good? I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m getting people mad at me. Maybe I should put a disclaimer at the bottom of all of my posts that says to please disregard the loser posting all of these retarted comments.
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