Today completes one full year of blogging for me, and at the same time this is also my 100th blog article. In one year I have blogged about toilet paper three times, dead cats two times, poor eyesight four times, and made fun of myself countless times. But 100 posts doesn’t necessarily mean I’m a good writer, it just means I don’t have a life.
There are actually several advantages to living with your parents when you’re old. For one thing, you don’t have to worry about the tv wasting your time because there’s already somebody watching something that you don’t want to watch. And when you put your favorite shirt in the wash, you never see it again, which saves you the trouble of having to pick off the lint. All these and more, not to mention the health benefits from not being allowed to eat what you want.
I love the toilet paper in public bathrooms. The thin profile makes it theoretically impossible to plug the toilet, so you don’t have to use the plunger and get your hands dirty. And the quick dissolvability also saves you from having to moisturize your hands, because it accomplishes this naturally with your own excrement.
For some reason I find a lot of toilet paper commercials very ironic. But I don’t mean the ones with the fluffy bears that sit behind the tree. I only find it ironic when they start fighting over who has the longest roll of toilet paper. Who really cares how long the roll is if the paper is so thin that it melts in your hand at the slightest hint of moisture. I shudder at the thought of it. When the moment of truth comes, depend on the fluffiest, thickest stuff you can find. Don’t fall prey to the cruel tricks of their evil marketing schemes.
Let me take a minute to describe to you one of a photographer’s most important tools. Not only does it keep all his equipment safe from being damaged, but it also keeps everything clean. And I won’t even mention what it’s most commonly used for, but despite both of these essential uses, the thing I use it for the most is the disposal of the secretion of the nasal mucus glands. (Yes, I mean snot.) Toilet paper is one of those things that I don’t stay far away from, especially when I’m sick and my mucus glands are very generous. I mean it, I’ve been sick for a couple days and I’ve used almost two rolls of it. Maybe some people can only find one use for it, but I say that whoever invented toilet paper deserves a lot more credit than he got.