Getting a valentine card in the mail from your grandma is nice, but really, what’s the point? For some reason Valentine’s day never used to mean that much to me. But I guess that was before I got to know a certain someone whose love is very loud. That was before I had my car vandalized with “I LOVE U!” in big giant letters. I suppose Valentine’s day really can’t mean that much unless you have someone special to spend it with.
I understand my girlfriend a little better than she might think…
When Donita says: “You smell good.”
She really means: “I like the smell of the cologne that I got you.”
When Donita says: “I’m sorry.”
She really means: “It’s your fault.”
When Donita says: “I’m not cold.”
She really means: “Give me your jacket.”
When Donita says: “I’m fat.”
She really means: “It won’t kill you to tell me I’m beautiful once in a while.”
When Donita says: “I’m craving something sweet.”
She really means: “Buy me some chocolate and nobody gets hurt.”
When Donita says: “Well, I don’t want to bother you anymore.”
She really means: “Leave me alone already.”
When Donita says: “I love you.”
She really means: “I love you.”
Man, I have never been this tense in my life. I’m here at the hospital waiting room, waiting to hear something back about my girlfriend. No, she’s not having a baby. She’s having her knee operated on. I was all nervous and shaking and everything and when they were about to take her to the operating room I almost blacked out. They had to take my blood pressure to make sure I was still alive. I’m shaking like crazy, even as I’m typing this. The doctors and nurses were very comforting as they told us about how they were going to shove a needle in her hand and stick a tube down her throat. And that’s all before the surgery. Then they slice open her knee, stretch open her skin, play around with her tendons, and screw in a few screws. Then they pull out the staple gun and blast a few staples into her. Finally she wakes up, hopefully in stable condition, and we all live happily ever after.