Original: “When you live on a round planet, there’s no choosing sides.” -Wayne Dyer
Tweaked: “When you live on a round planet with other people, everyone chooses a side.”

Original: “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” -John Quincy Adams
Tweaked: “If your actions inspire others to eat more, sleep more, do less, and work less, you are a couch potato.”

Original: “A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one.” -Benjamin Franklin
Tweaked: “A blockhead with Google is a greater blockhead than a learned one.”

Original: “We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Tweaked: “We are shaped and fashioned by our choice of potato chips.”

Original: “Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm.” -Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Tweaked: “Nothing is so easily destroyed so enthusiasm.”

Original: “A small leak can sink a great ship.” -Benjamin Franklin
Tweaked: “A small leak can ruin a good Mountain Dew.”