My girlfriend compliments me all the time. Somehow she just has a way of making me feel loved.

“The only reason people come over to your house is because of your tv.”

“Your eyes look like a baby girl ant’s eyes.”

“Eww, your calf muscles are kind of deformed.”

“You’re not very good at batting or fielding, but you’re pretty good at running.”

“I like your hair…but you need a haircut.”

“Your tongue is fat.”

“You have huge bags under your eyes.”

“I hope you’re not charging them much for taking their wedding pictures.”