If I were a genius, I would design a credit card with no rewards, an account set up fee of $29, a program fee of $95, an annual fee of $48, and a monthly servicing fee of $84. Then I would booger glue a fake credit card onto the paper, call it “WaMu” for whatever reason, and send it to a geek named Josh. That way he would write about it on his blog and my card would be famous.
Here’s a tip: When you call to verify your new credit card and they ask for the last four digits of your social security number, make sure you don’t accidentally give them your girlfriend’s cell phone number because if you do, you might have to go through the whole 15 minute process of proving that you’re really you, which includes a multiple choice quiz about yourself and your entire life history which makes you wonder how they knew all that stuff about you in the first place, and then make you quote three different phone numbers four different times and then recite your social security number six times and describe all your previously owned cars and give your mother’s maiden name three times and I know this is a really long run-on sentence but it’s okay because I just read part of A Tale of Two Cities which has tons of terribly long sentences so since I want to be a famous writer like Charles Dickens I’m gonna try to copy his style of writing and from the looks of things I’m better at acting like someone else than I am at imitating myself.