I just heard the strangest, most pathetic news. I couldn’t believe it, it was that ridiculous. And this even beats the story where that one guy tried robbing a gas station but there wasn’t much money in the register so he tied up the cashier and ran the register himself for a couple hours. That’s nothing compared to what I just heard. So hang on, you might want to sit down for this. Of all the completely useless things people can waste their time on, I found out that somebody actually reads my blog. (Oh, and if you’re reading this, you know who you are.)