I’m squinting as I’m writing this, so sorry if I make a typo. The ironic thing though, is not that I’m not wearing glasses, but that I’m actually wearing contacts, and new ones at that. Who knows, maybe I don’t know my alphabet that well so I screwed up the eye doctor. But the dumb thing is that I don’t even know if I have them in the correct eye. The containers they were in didn’t say which one was left and which one was right. And I don’t know what all the numbers mean, but I assumed that the one with the most correction would be for the eye that’s the most blind. My eyes are so bad anyway, I don’t see why they don’t just call me legally blind and get it over with. Maybe because they don’t want to lose me as a customer?

Well I’m not just here to complain about my poor vision. I actually wanted to tell about my newest invention. You see, when people can’t see that well they can get around just fine. They can hang out with friends and have fun. They can run and jump and do most things…until they have to read something. It’s the text that’s the problem. And no, I’m not suggesting that we make everything large print. That wouldn’t help people like me anyway. So my idea is that we implant a microchip into everything that would normally be read with the eyes. Whenever you look at it, this chip would transmit a signal that would tell you exactly what it says. Here’s how it works: when you look at one of the devices, your retina sends out a distinctly unmistakable reflection which triggers the CMOS censors and sends out alpha rays in the exact direction that the retinal reflection was seen from. The signal is then decoded by a nuero-ceptor textilizer device implanted in the brain. To accomodate for the size of the device, a little more than one fifth of the brain would have to be removed. But this is not hard to overcome when one sees the benefit. Just imagine; to read a book, all you have to do is look at the cover; glance at the clock and immediately you know exactly what time it is. The technology is still in the works, so please try and be patient. In the meantime, concentrate real hard on what you’re trying to read, and remember that squinting works pretty well, except when you have your contacts in the wrong eyes.