Instead of Breaking News, I decided to write some headlines that are already broken.

Government issues a nationwide ban of toasters to combat global warming
Nation responds in a “heated” protest.

Teenager invents junk-food-powered vehicle
“I was just riding my bike the other day when the idea came to me.”

Floyd Landis signs endorsement deal for steroid commercials
“It worked for me.”

Oxygen found to cause cancer
Cure is on the way, but don’t hold your breath.

Democratic candidate demands recount even though he won
“I just always wanted to say that.”

Elderly man votes against gay marriage ban
“Back in the old days, if you weren’t gay on your wedding day people would think something’s wrong.”