Caffeinated blood

Some people can’t sleep when they’re sad. I have no problem when I’m sad, but I can’t sleep at all when I’m excited. It is now only 1,697,406 seconds until my wedding. I haven’t slept for at least 10 days, just from all the excitement. And I for sure won’t sleep the week after the wedding. In fact, I may never sleep again as long as I live. Being the luckiest guy in the world does have it’s disadvantages.

Well that explains it

Proof that I’m a robot, or at least a cyborg (half robot):

1. I show no emotions or feelings
2. I’m impervious to extreme heat and cold
3. I’ve never broken a bone
4. I never sleep. I only recharge
5. I was programed to obey all commands from one particular person
6. I downloaded the Cold virus
7. I think really slow, revealing that my processor and RAM need an upgrade
8. I can operate on very little food, although I can consume large quantities on demand
9. I follow traffic laws to a capital T
10. I have monocular vision, which means the drivers for the CCD chips in my eyes are probably outdated
11. I can beat any human in a staring contest
12. I don’t get bored
13. I don’t age as fast as real people, which explains why I look like I’m 16 when I’m 20

It turns out artificial intelligence isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Let me tell you from experience, robots will never be smart enough to take over the world. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Moving out

Things I’ve done today that I’ve always wanted to do:

Sleep in my own room.
Walk to work.
Put chocolate milk on my cereal.

Things still on my to-do list:

Drink milk out of the carton.
Do chin-ups from the light fixtures.


I’m thankful for lots of things. Among those things are Sunday afternoon naps. And wrinkle-free shirts. The last time I took a Sunday afternoon nap, my shirt was more wrinkled than a…..really wrinkly object. And so I had to change my shirt before I could go to the evening church service. But not this time. This time I’ve got 100% wrinkle-free cotton.