There are actually several advantages to living with your parents when you’re old. For one thing, you don’t have to worry about the tv wasting your time because there’s already somebody watching something that you don’t want to watch. And when you put your favorite shirt in the wash, you never see it again, which saves you the trouble of having to pick off the lint. All these and more, not to mention the health benefits from not being allowed to eat what you want.
I love the toilet paper in public bathrooms. The thin profile makes it theoretically impossible to plug the toilet, so you don’t have to use the plunger and get your hands dirty. And the quick dissolvability also saves you from having to moisturize your hands, because it accomplishes this naturally with your own excrement.
I love thinking positive.
By Josh Meyer | 01.25.2006 10:32 pm |
Comments (5)
Allow me to introduce to you some of my newest coworkers. We aren’t usually assigned to the same projects, but we share the same office and they help me out some with my work. I’ve found them to be some of my closest friends too.
Lolly & Pops
Mixed Fruit Tetras
Lolly
Color: Blue
Characteristics: Likes to “lollygag” casually around the tank. Often “falls asleep” and starts drifting around, but gets abruptly awaken by Pops.
Pops
Color: Pink
Characteristics: Don’t allow no “lollygaggin” in the tank. Gives Lolly a “pop” in the side when he falls asleep. Very mean and bossy. Makes sure everybody knows who’s in charge. (I thought about naming her after my girlfriend, but shhh)
Crispy & Strips
Mollies
Crispy
Color: White with black specks
Characteristics: Likes to follow behind Strips and chase him around. Also has a bit of a temper sometimes.
Strips
Color: Black with white specks
Characteristics: Plays Simon says with Crispy, but only when he gets to be Simon. Likes to play with the bubbles at the top of the water. Has a few distinguishing “strips” in his tailfin.
Tick & Tock
Glo-light Tetras
Tick
Color: Transparent Orange
Characteristics: Has a seemingly uncontrollable “tick” in his left fin. Likes to relax near the bottom of the tank.
Tock
Color: Transparent Orange
Characteristics: Siamese twins with Tick, separated at birth. A little more active than Tick. Likes to pick on Pops.
By Josh Meyer | 01.23.2006 6:59 pm |
Comments (9)
Okay, so I was in this weird looking building, looking at this weird looking door with a weird looking sign that said “PLEASE WALK IN.” I stared at it for a moment, slightly confused, but I decided to do the courteous thing and obey the sign. So I walked up to the door and reached for the doorknob, but it was locked. And then I was even more confused. Why would they ask me to walk in the door and then not let me in? It really bugged me, and it completely ruined my whole day.
By Josh Meyer | 01.14.2006 11:45 pm |
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“Momma’s boy”
(Keep in mind that I’m 20 years old)
I was grounded last week.
I share a room with my little brother.
I have hand-me-down underwear.
I make my bed every morning.
I like vegetables.
(Also see volumes 1 and 2)
If you have more reasons why I’m a loser, feel free to let me know.
By Josh Meyer | 01.12.2006 12:43 pm |
Comments (2)
I understand my girlfriend a little better than she might think…
When Donita says: “You smell good.”
She really means: “I like the smell of the cologne that I got you.”
When Donita says: “I’m sorry.”
She really means: “It’s your fault.”
When Donita says: “I’m not cold.”
She really means: “Give me your jacket.”
When Donita says: “I’m fat.”
She really means: “It won’t kill you to tell me I’m beautiful once in a while.”
When Donita says: “I’m craving something sweet.”
She really means: “Buy me some chocolate and nobody gets hurt.”
When Donita says: “Well, I don’t want to bother you anymore.”
She really means: “Leave me alone already.”
When Donita says: “I love you.”
She really means: “I love you.”
By Josh Meyer | 01.08.2006 12:28 am |
Comment
In case anyone was wondering, I had a happy Christmas and a merry new year. My post-Christmas recovery time has mostly consisted of picking the lint off of my new clothes, consuming an entire jar of Tootsie Rolls that I don’t know what else to do with, and pulling the booger glue off of the back of my gift cards. And also working off all those heaps of Christmas cookies. If you’re wondering how I’m working them off, I would say mostly by watching movies and staring at a computer screen. I’ve also spent some time reading the best blonde joke ever.
By Josh Meyer | 01.03.2006 11:04 am |
Comments (3)
